Category: Featured
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Local News Before It Happens
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NCN Newsflash: We’re Pretty Sure Something Important is Happening Downtown Right Now
Several social media sources are reporting that there has been a major event happening somewhere near the corner of 12th Ave and Lexington Ave in the downtown area. Emergency vehicles may be attending the scene and more may or may not be on their way. There may or may not be injuries but nothing specific…
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Boomer Driver Successfully Evokes “Fleetwood Mac” Defence to Avoid Speeding Ticket
In court documents released today, NCN was able to confirm that, indeed, a local resident was able to successfully challenge a speeding ticket by evoking what has come to be known as the “Fleetwood Mac Defence”. When Stanley Johnson was pulled over in early March and ticketed for going going 75k/hr in a 60 k/hrs…
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Man Remains Hopeful That He Can Learn to Walk Again Without a Coffee of Cup in His Hand
Frank Lorenzo is no quitter. Late last April he was in a car accident that resulted in him being unable to use of his fingers on his left hand and unable to walk using either of his legs for all most six months. As his injuries improved, it eventually came time to relearn how to…
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Local Country Music Super Fan Fondly Remembers All the Great Concerts He’s Passed Out At
As part of our on-going “Local Superstars” series, NCN recently spent some time with well-known local resident and country music aficionado Jerry Smythe as he reminisced about the history of country music in the city during his 80th birthday celebration. Jerry let us know that he has been a massive country music fan since he…
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Renowned Beer Enthusiast Finally Admits on Deathbed That IPAs Do Taste like Ass
North City is in mourning over the passing of one of its’ most well known citizens. Longtime local spokesperson for the “Red Dog” IPA brand of beer, Jim Target died in hospital this week. In a stunning turn of events though, it has been confirmed that Target did admit, on his deathbed, that IPA beer…
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Two People Found at Local Death-Metal Concert With Life-threatening Injuries Obviously Know How To Party
Emergence responders were called to a local metal concert featuring North City’s own “The Blood Oath of Unpleasantness” band earlier in the week. Responders were responding to a report of two people experiencing medical emergencies. When first responders arrived, they found local residents Daryl Jones and Ray Ginndly lying on the venue’s floor near the…
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New North City Political Party Forms to Represent Non-voters
It’s a fact. Any pollster will tell you, the largest single segment in any election is the people that didn’t vote. With that in mind, North City’s newest political party running in the upcoming election is poised to take advantage of this fact. The Popular Integrated Team for You party (known as the P.I.T.Y Party)…
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Local Women Perfects Method For Loading Dishwashers. Gifts it to All Humanity.
Local resident Harriet Smith has done what many may have considered undoable . . until now. She has perfected how to load a dishwasher. And she is hoping, with a little luck, her method will form the basis of all dishwasher loading for all of humanity going forward. “I am not going to say that…